Jealous

You worked so hard to get to where you are in your life. Whether it is a new job, a promotion, getting married, losing weight, etc. The question is how do we deal with that happening to someone else?

Do we put a smile on and hope that they can’t see our disappointment that it’s not happening to us? Usually that is what we do… we fight our inner demons of negative energy ourselves until we can longer handle it and we burst.

Most recently, I have been home without a job, gaining weight and not understanding why the hell it’s going on. As much as I now “pack my lunch”- it is so much easier to grab more chips or chocolate because I am home. Now getting back on the saddle of the horse to get back on the correct trail is what I am doing. Yet, I see every Thursday for the past two months someone that I love and care about lose 2-4 pounds in a week. I still suffer from anxiety of the number on the scale; there are times that I think I can handle what it may say, but it is better for me not to know. Am I jealous that I have no job, gaining weight and still have nothing to show of my life for my age? Of course! I am angry with myself that I allowed myself to stress eat; I am questioning my reasoning for getting my degree in what I did; I am second guessing everything that I have done thus far (minus a few things).

How can I show that I am happy with everyone else when that little evil green monster is in my head, heart, and emotions?

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s